Grinnell College has a small campus and a small student body. Word travels fast.
Recently, I was made aware that my ex has been using the term “slut” to describe me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that an angry ex boyfriend would throw around quite a few derogatory terms when discussing the Villainess, the Evil Ex-Girlfriend, but “slut” is by far the most interesting to me.
I should preface the rest of this post by explaining that this is not a hate letter to my ex–I am examining the usage of the word “slut” in modern context (the term has been in use since 1450) in order to make some sort of conclusion about today’s perception of women’s sexuality.
The word “slut” means a slovenly, sexually promiscuous woman. My ex knows that I am not, nor have I ever been sexually promiscuous, yet he still used the term to describe me. Why?
I am led to believe, through this experience, that “slut” has become more of a generic insult, a way to verbally demean a woman by implying that she is sexually promiscuous. Why, then, is it the rage to insult a woman based on her sexuality, when it is not the same for a man?
Obviously, there is a double-standard in our culture when it comes to women and their sexuality. That is not what I am getting at here, as I know many others have already arrived at that conclusion. What I want to know is why, in our culture, a sexual woman is a reprehensible woman, whereas a sexual man is “natural.” Men have “needs,” after all.
For example, insurance companies cover Viagra, but not birth control. As far as insurance companies are concerned, money is the only thing separating women from becoming childbearing vessels and having no control over their own bodies. What of the women who can’t afford birth control? They are imprisoned by their own biology; their lives can be completely altered by forced motherhood or the forced psychological trauma of abortion.
I just went to the pharmacy recently, to get my usual birth control perscription. I get the generic brand, so it usually costs me $10. The cashier, who triple checked the information for me, informed me that, yes, my $10 birth control would now cost me $60. Someone unaware of the necessity for birth control might chastise me for needing it and remind me, young lady as I am, that I don’t actually need to be having sex.
The thing is, I’m not having sex. Taking the pill can help regulate hormone imbalances that otherwise cause problems such as depression, excruciating menstrual cramps, or excessively long menstrual periods.
But so what if I was having sex? I am a successful college student with a great future ahead of me. I should be able to have sex as any of my male peers can without worrying about becoming a mother before I’m ready.
Back to the word “slut.” How contradictory our culture is, that a woman is so barred from accepting her own sexuality. She will either be branded a “slut” or, in some cases, have to pay more than she can afford for birth control, while the middle aged man standing next to her at the pharmacy counter walks away with his little blue pills, happy that he will live to ejaculate another day.
Women are oversexualized in the media, yet punished for acting on their sexuality. The notion of the “impure woman” runs rampant in our culture, characterized by the “slut.” The ultimate way my ex could insult me was to call me this word, and thus directly target my integrity through my sexuality. I own my sexuality, and I do not apologize for it, as those who call women “sluts” imply we should. However, I am absolutely not promiscuous, and therefore, undeserving of the word.
I pledge that I will not use the word “slut” to describe another woman, until there is an equivalent word for “slut” to describe promiscuous men. The use of the word “slut” is misogynistic, and I think it’s telling that other derogatory terms for gays and racial minorities, such as f***** and n*****, are not socially acceptable, yet derogatory terms for women are not only accepted, but embraced to the point when even women themselves use them.
pun intended.
